A Mother's Ache
by tpchicken
Summary: She loved her husband and son, but she wanted one more. Possibly AU/OCC? Slightly autobiographical. Oneshot!


Author's Note: Its been a whole while since I've written anything! A lot has happened since then, I got married, I've had a baby, moved several places, etc.

This story is written about Margaret Eppes. It is probably AU or OCC because its not really written about her, its more autobiographical for me at the moment, but when I went to express my feelings, it came out as a Numb3rs fanfic. I should also mention, I'm not Jewish, I'm a Latter-Day Saint, and don't know much about the Jewish faith, but I think these are the feeling of a mother pleading with God, no matter what you believe. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this little one-shot.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd be rich

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She sat quietly in their home, reflecting on her life. She had a strong, caring, supportive husband. Her 14 month old son was bright, quick, and everywhere at once. He was her whole life right now. She loved playing with him, teaching him, watching him understand the world around him. They had recently bought their first house. Her husband had a good job. They were well off. On the outside, it looked like they had everything.

Her soul ached. Secretly, they had been trying to conceive another child since Donnie was 6 months old. Originally, they wanted to wait 3 years before trying again, but when Don turned 4 months, she felt like it was time for another, that he needed a sibling. She tried to squash those feeling for 2 months before finally giving in and confronting Alan with her feelings. He was surprised at first, but supportive of her desires. He knew it was she who sacrificed the most when bringing a child into the world, and if it was her desire, it was his also.

Six months went by. Donnie turned one. They had a huge celebration for his milestone birthday. She loved him more than words could describe. Its that kind of love that only another mother could understand. She knew it would never diminish; it could only grow. She was selfish. She wanted to give more of that love. As much as she loved Donnie, she still wanted another child to love. Not to take away the love she had for Don, but to love another as much as she loved him.

A month later she celebrated her anniversary with Alan. They decided to take a weekend vacation together. Donnie stayed with his grandmother. They packed their bags and splurged on a nice hotel and a honeymoon package. As they walked through a park together, they held hands and enjoyed one other's company. It was the first time in a while where they could spend some quiet moments together. Strolling along, they entered a temple. They sat quietly in the back of the large room, arms linked, both in quiet meditation.

She poured her heart out to her God. What was His will? Why did she long for another child when she had such a perfect little boy at home? She gazed out in front of her. Not 5 feet away, she saw someone. It was a little boy, maybe 18 months old with dark curly hair, wearing overalls, stacking wooden blocks. She sat for a moment, dumbstruck at what she was seeing. The little boy turned and gazed up at her with his dark, knowing eyes. He smiled at her and proudly pointed to the tower he was making. Her eyes filled up with tears. This was her little boy, she knew him. This would be her Charlie.

She gazed lovingly at her husband. At this moment, she couldn't love him any less. Their marriage was a blessing, and she knew that she would be blessed with another boy. The rest of the weekend was a romantic whirlwind of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and love. She went home, eager to see her Donnie. She scooped him up when she saw him and they twirled around and hugged. She was sure that soon he would be a big brother.

Two and a half weeks later she tested. The pregnancy test was negative. She was sure she had tested too early. She would try again in a couple of days. Two days later, her period began. She sobbed. She had been so sure that they would get pregnant on their vacation. Isn't that what God was telling her? What had she done wrong? She couldn't figure it out. It started becoming an obsession for her. She went to the doctor for a physical. She seemed healthy, there were some small problems. It was nothing major and the doctor assured her she could solve it by losing some weight and being a bit healthier.

A month after she got a letter from a friend from high school. Her friend informed her that they had just found out they were pregnant with their third! Her husband was still in school, they had very little money, they'd need a bigger apartment and car, and they weren't sure how they were going to keep feeding their whole family, let along a new addition. She was distraught! How could this happen? Why was her friend pregnant, when they obviously couldn't afford it, and here she was, sitting in her beautiful house with their car, large enough to seat 6, not pregnant. She tried to be happy for her friend, but she was jealous. She was ready for another baby! Hadn't God promised her, shown her Charlie? What was she doing wrong?

She spent many nights sobbing into Alan's chest. He reassured her, comforted her, promised her that when it was right, she'd get pregnant. In the meantime, they had Donnie! He was a caring boy. They loved him dearly. He told her that it would be okay. She'd get pregnant eventually. They had to have patience. Things would happen when the timing was right. Its hard to know the future, what trials are in store. She knew he was right, but it didn't make things any easier in the moment.

After awhile, things did come up, some financial, some medical, they had trials. They felt blessed at that time that there was only one child. She grew to accept her situation and the things she could not control. They never gave up trying, and she knew deep down in her heart, that God had promised her Charlie and one day, he'd be part of their family. It wouldn't be complete with out him.

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_A few years later..._

"Congratulations! Its a boy!"

She collapsed back into her bed as the doctor passed her the most cherubic baby boy she had ever seen. His deep, dark, expressive eyes locked with hers, and she examined every perfect feature from his 10 toes to the small dark curls framing his face. She wept tears of joy.

"Hi Charlie," she whispered.


End file.
